Random thoughts

How to think more about sex

A little while ago, I mentioned having come across the notion that men think about sex every seven seconds but couldn’t remember where I had read it. Now I know. I must have dipped into the Third Way issue of Jan./Feb. 2013. It’s Simon Jenkins who brings this up in a review of Alain de Botton’s How to Think More About Sex. Looks like de Botton’s book is set to address this lamentable shortfall, urging us to give a bit more thought to sex. I have to get hold of that book. Quickly!

Seriously, though, I do agree with Jenkins’ comment that we tend not to ‘give enough quality reflection to this fundamental human drive’. So, yes, I really will make sure to get a copy of How to Think More About Sex.

Random thoughts

I should have been a writer

There are some truly sad anecdotes in Fifty Shades of Feminism, edited by Lisa Appignanesi, Rachel Holmes and Susie Orbach. Muneeza Shamsie, for instance, in ‘The Words of Women’, reflects on her mother’s fate in Pakistan, noting that, ‘on the last night of her life, she rang my paternal aunt Tazeen and said, “All these years I was turned into a housewife and made useless! I should have been a writer!” Such a self-revelation’, Shamsie comments, ‘at eighty-six, a few hours before dying!’

Random thoughts

Most crucial in private

Interesting thoughts on feminism in public and in private:

As a feminist, I’ve always felt that feminism is most crucial in private. In public, there are always people (men and women) to reason and defend the place of women. The discourse is clear, potent and largely active. We’re moving forwards, change is occurring. I do feel that.

The private sphere is where I most need feminism’s ideas. It’s here that we ask ourselves deep and secret questions. Interrogate our hopes, ambitions and desires, find out who we’re trying to please, hold up the current shape of ourselves against the images that formed us.

Josie Rourke, ‘The Right to Be Uncertain’, in Lisa Appignanesi, Rachel Holmes and Susie Orbach (eds), Fifty Shades of Feminism

Random thoughts

Fifty Shades yet again

On my continuing journey through Fifty Shades of Feminism, edited by Lisa Appignanesi, Rachel Holmes and Susie Orbach, I have just come across a new highlight. It’s Susie Orbach’s contribution, entitled ‘A Love Letter to Feminism’. Like some of the other authors, she thinks back to the 1970s and how women were ‘daring to think and enact new ways of learning and living’.

I was particularly interested in her reflections on the fears these women had to face. ‘We began to appreciate how much patriarchy was a structure undermining us’, she says, ‘within and between women, as much as a political force outside us’. And again: ‘Internal psychological chains kept us in check and away from being as full as we could be.’

Orbach notes that she could have lived like so many women before her. But she counts herself lucky that she didn’t. Feminism, she says, gave her a proper life:

Without feminism, life’s challenges could and would have stained my individual experiences – as [they] for so many of my mother’s generation – turning them sour and bitter, rather than into places of learning. Without feminism I couldn’t have understood my personal dilemmas. Nor would I have had the capacity to reflect.

I was also moved by her comments on friendships that made it possible for her and other women to ‘think and enact new ways’:

exhilarating friendships took centre stage. They were a hammock underpinning our personal and collective struggles. We helped each other find and tell our stories as we were reshaping ourselves. Inside friendship we found ways to tackle our hesitancies, our fears, our insecurities, our shame and self-doubt.